Michael Shannon with La Furiosa.

“Be a lady they said. Wait, your skirt is too short. Button it up. Your pants are way too tight. Don’t show so much skin. Don’t show your thighs. Don’t show your breasts. Don’t show your tummy. Don’t show your cleavage. Don’t show your underwear. Don’t show your shoulders. Cover up. Leave something to the imagination. Dress modestly. Don’t be a tramp. Men cannot control themselves, they just can’t.

Be a lady. Men have needs you know. You look frumpy. Loosen yourself up. Show a little skin. Try and look sexy. Be hot. Whats the matter with you? Don’t be so provocative. You’re just asking for it. Wear black, it’s sexy. Wear heels, they make your legs look great. You’re too dressed up. You’re too dressed down. Don’t wear those sweatpants; they look like you’ve let yourself go.

Be a lady they said. Don’t be too fat and don’t be too thin. Don’t be too large. Don’t be too small. Eat up. Slim down. Stop eating so much. Don’t eat too fast. Order a salad and don’t eat carbs. Skip that dessert. You need to lose weight to fit into that dress. Go on a diet. Watch what you eat. Eat lots of celery. Chew gum but keep your mouth shut. Drink lots of water. You have to fit into those jeans. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don’t you just eat? You look emaciated. You look sick. Eat a burger. Men like women with some meat on their bones. And be small. Be light. Be little. Be petite. Be feminine. Be a size zero. Be a double zero. Be nothing. Be less than nothing.

Be a lady they said. Remove all your body hair. Shave those legs. Shave your armpits. Shave your bikini line. Shave your pubis, that’s cool. Wax your face. Wax your arms. Wax your eyebrows. Get rid of your mustache. Bleach this. Bleach that. Lighten your skin. Tan your skin. Eradicate your scars. Cover your stretch marks. Tighten your abs. Plump your lips. Inject Botox for your wrinkles. Lift your face. Tuck your tummy. Thin your thighs. Tone your calves. Perk up your boobs. But look natural. Be yourself. Be for real. Be confident. Wait, you’re trying too hard. You look overdone. Men don’t like girls who try too hard.

Be a lady they said. Wear makeup. Prime your face. Conceal your blemishes. Contour that nose. Highlight your cheekbones. Line your lids. Fill in your brows. Pluck your brows. Lengthen your lashes. Make them fakes. Color your lips. Powder, blush, bronze, highlight. Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. Your ends are all split. Highlight your hair. Your roots are showing. Dye your hair. Not blue, that looks unnatural. You’re going grey. You look so old. Sad. Better to look young. Look youthful. Look ageless. Don’t get old. Women don’t get old, can’t be old. Old is ugly. Men don’t like ugly.

Be a lady they said. Save yourself for marriage. Be pure. Be virginal. Never talk about sex. Don’t flirt. Don’t be a skank. Don’t be a whore. Don’t be trash. Don’t sleep around. Don’t lose your dignity. Don’t have sex with too many men. Or any man. Don’t give yourself away. Men don’t like sluts. Don’t be a prude. Don’t be so up tight. Have a little fun girl. Smile more. Pleasure men. Be experienced. Be sexual. Be innocent. Be dirty. Be virginal. Be sexy. Be the cool girl. Don’t be like the other girls.

Be a Lady they said: Be a dame. Be a frail. Be a broad. Be a babe, a dish, a bimbo, a chick, a doll. Be a doxy, floozy, gal, girly, honey, a missy. Be a moll, skirt, sweet thang, or tootsie. Be sweetums, Honey-Bunny. You’re the Weather Girl, my girl Friday, The girlboss, fangirl, nerdygirl, baby girl.

Be a lady they said. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t talk at all. Don’t take up space. Don’t sit like that. Don’t stand like that. Don’t be so intimidating. Don’t be smart, smarts not good. Don’t be intellectual. Why are you so miserable? Don’t be such a bitch. Don’t be so bossy. Don’t be assertive. Don’t overact. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Don’t swear. Be passive. Be obedient. Endure the pain. Be pleasing. Never complain. Let him down easy. Boost his ego. Make him fall for you. Men want what they can’t have. Don’t give yourself away. Make him work for it. Men love the chase. Fold his clothes. Cook his dinner. Keep him happy. That’s a woman’s job. You’ll make a good wife some day. Take his last name. You hyphenated your name? Damn crazy feminist. Give him children. You don’t want children? You frigid? You will some day. You’ll change your mind.

Be a lady they said. Learn to cook. Learn to shop. Learn to clean. Vacuum, dust, wax, and scrub they said. Have dinner ready. Make what he likes. Clear the table. load the dishwasher. Whats his favorite drink? Keep it clean and neat. Impress the boss. Pump him up. Be a whore in the bed. Don’t ask too many questions they said.

Be a lady they said. Don’t swear, don’t be a battle-axe, Crone, Shrew, Floozie, Termagant, Trollop, Virago. No Feminazi, Radical chic, Don’t be a Nasty Woman. Be a “Good Miss.”

Be a lady they said. Don’t get yourself raped. Protect yourself. Don’t drink too much. Don’t walk alone. Don’t go out too late. Don’t dress like that. Don’t show too much. Don’t get drunk. Don’t leave your drink. Have a buddy. Walk where it’s well lit. Stay in the safe neighborhoods. Tell someone where you’re going. Bring pepper spray. Buy a rape whistle. Hold your keys like a weapon. Take a self-defense course. Check your trunk. Lock your doors. Don’t go out alone. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t bat your eyelashes. Don’t look easy. Don’t attract attention. Don’t work late. Don’t crack dirty jokes. Don’t smile at strangers. Don’t go out at night. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no.

Don’t be a Bitch. They said.

Men have needs you know. Just “be a lady,” they said.

Be Furious.

Michael Shannon with La Furiosa