[PHOENIX] ¬† ¬†¬†Governor Doug Ducey in a hastily organized press conference announced today that the state of Arizona has sold itself to Canada. Mired in serious debt, high unemployment and in the midst of a statewide teacher strike the governor said, “We were left with no good choices in solving these problems.” He further stated that “No state has ever declared bankruptcy before and we didn’t want to be the first to do so.”

doug ducey

We’ve had discussions with Canada’s Justin Trudeau for several months and yesterday we came to an agreement for Canada to acquire all of Arizona’s assets. State services will be jointly administered by the Arizona’s elected representatives and a transitional team appointed by the Canadian government.

“This will be great for us,” said the Governor, “Universal health care, an outstanding educational system and immediate Canadian citizenship for all residents of Arizona.”The $625,000,000,000 billion price tag will inject must needed financial stability in a state teetering on the edge of failure, ‘ said governor Ducey. The governor thinks that being the 11th province of Canada will benefit all the citizens of the great state of Arizona.

In a late night tweet, Senator Ted Cruz congratulated Governor Ducey for his leadership. “Great governor and a great state. We in Texas leadership are following the lead of Arizona and are in negotiations to become the 32nd Mexican State as we free Texans can no longer submit to the domination of the Federal government who is trying to turn Texas into California. I will be flying down to Cancun next week to finalize arrangements to withdraw from the union, Cruz said.

President Biden has not commented but reports of the Army and Marines massing on the Texas and Arizona borders has been confirmed by Fox News Tucker Carlson. Carlson is demanding an investigation into the presidents son who he says stands to reap a financial windfall from the sale of Arizona.