Michael Shannon for the Branch Bee. April 1, 2024

[PHOENIX]     Governor Katie Hobbs, in a hastily organized press conference announced today that the state of Arizona has sold itself to Canada. Mired in serious debt, high unemployment and in the midst of a statewide teacher strike the governor said, “We were left with no good choices in solving these problems.” He further stated that “No state has ever declared bankruptcy before and we didn’t want to be the first to do so.”

According to  Hobbs, “We’ve had discussions with Canada’s Justin Trudeau for several months and yesterday we came to an agreement for Canada to acquire all of Arizona’s assets. State services will be jointly administered by the Arizona’s elected representatives and a transitional team appointed by the Canadian government.”

“This will be great for us,” said the Governor, “Universal health care, an outstanding educational system and immediate Canadian citizenship for all residents of Arizona.”The $625,000,000,000 billion price tag will inject must needed financial stability in a state teetering on the edge of failure, ‘ said governor Ducey. The governor thinks that being the 11th province of Canada will benefit all the citizens of the great state of Arizona.

In a late night tweet, Senator Ted Cruz congratulated Governor Hobbs on her leadership. “Great governor and a great state. We in Texas leadership are following the lead of Arizona and are in negotiations to become the 32nd Mexican State as we free Texans can no longer submit to the domination of the Federal government who is trying to turn Texas into California. I will be flying down to Cancun next week to finalize arrangements to withdraw from the union, Cruz said. “Secession is coming Texans,” Said Cruz.

President Biden has not commented but reports of the Army and Marines massing on the Texas and Arizona borders has been confirmed by Fox News Sean Hannity. Hannity is demanding an investigation into the presidents son, who he says stands to reap a financial windfall from the sale of Arizona according to documents obtained from Hunter’s laptop.

Governor hopeful Kari Lake says she is totally onboard with the move. “Arizona must take drastic measures to free itself from the grip of the Lefty Democrats led by California’s loser Governor Gavin Newsom, a total incompetent who should have been recalled in 2022. He must be stopped before he can make a presidential run of his own in 2024.

Speaker Johnson said in an interview today that though he hates to see Arizona go, perhaps they are setting an example for other conservative states on the brink of insolvency.  “They should take note. Perhaps it’s an opportunity to establish a new government such as they did in 1861.”

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Michael Shannon is a writer. Being born on the 1st of April gives him a certain cachet which he will abuse at the drop of a hat.